Firsts and Lasts
by BlackBird913
Summary: POST Bare, Boy-Boy slash. Peter reminisces about his and Jason's first and lasts, including when the met, their first kiss, their first time, etic. Along with their last kiss, Jason's last breath, Peter's final goodbye, etc. COMMENTS APPRECIATED. Enjoy!
1. Prologue

**Prologue. Just the set off for the rest of the story.**

**A/N: this is basically a Bare fanfic in which Peter reminisces about all the firsts he had with his now dead lover, Jason, and the lasts. those will be in chapters to come, but let me know what you think of the plot line! constructive criticism is HIGHLY appreciated. POST BARE. Rated M for Boy-Boy slash. I mean the first time they have sex is bound to be detailed! don't like that, then you wouldn't know what Bare: A Pop Opera is, now would you? Criticism on the relation ship itself is only accepted if it has to do with writing them wrong. If it's about a boy-boy thing, don't bother me about that please. But if youre a Bare fan, _ENJOY!_**

/

\

/

\

* * *

/

\

The dry air blew the tree's outside of his dorm. Summer was starting. People were sullenly packing, preparing to leave. Leaving their past for their future… never to return to this school. Never to be forced to remember all that had happened in this 'holy' place. It was colder in the building than it was outside, down to wintry climates. It was overwhelming, in fact, with every single air conditioners running on high throughout the almost empty building.

_Even with half the school gone, they're still wasting this much energy_, Peter thought to himself. He wasn't one to talk, his own personal AC up the highest it would go, including the two fans he had on opposing sides of the room. One was his, the other belonged to his room mate… his dead room mate…

Peter shook that thought away. He didn't want to dwell on the bad… he just couldn't help it. How could he? How can he not dwell on the fact that his best friend died just a week ago? How is he supposed to go on, knowing that it was all his fault.

Peter lay in the covers of the abnormally frozen sheets, waiting for precipitation to land on his nose in the form of a snow flake. It was just so cold. It was the temperature… he was used to that in this point of every year. But the fact that during this time… Jason had always kept him warm. In numerous, unconventional ways, by the way. Now as he lay in the bed in the furthest corner of the room… Jason's bed… instead of Jason's calming presence, all he could feel was the constant chill up his spine; and not the kind he welcomed with the thought of Jason.

But Peter remained exactly where he was. He would do anything to stay out of everyone's sight… and anything to continuously stay enveloped in Jason's scent and spirit – no matter how cold and dead that spirit may have been.

"_Stubborn asshole,"_ Michael could hear Jason saying now as he always had. Whenever Peter was cold at any point, Jason always cuddled with him. Once he was warm however, he refused to move. Jason never minded, obviously, being that both of them loved the close proximity, though it did cause certain 'problems' to emerge. Peter laughed inwardly at that. Where do you think the 'unconventional methods' of warmth started? Neither of them got sleep on _those_ nights. Or any night, really.

But the only replacement to that constant warmth was Jason's sheets. Peter could still feel Jason's ragged breathing as nightmares plagued him during the night. Every time he woke up from one, he grabbed Peter's face, kissing him forcefully. He poured every bad feeling he had into those kisses, and even though they made Peter uncomfortable, he'd do anything to take away Jason's pain. Because in those kisses, Peter felt Jason's fear of losing Peter… who was so obviously his.

Now, after everything was buried with Jason's body, all Peter could do was lay in Jason's bed (where he had always spent all his free time anyway), and inhale that smell of citrus and the sweet elixir of his cologne, which forced him to remember all of their firsts… and lasts…

/

\

* * *

/

\

/

\

**A/N: Please comment! i really want to know what you think. I'm still typing the other chapters, but i hope i can take on the characters the best i can! : D let me know if im not being Peter-y enough, especially in the future. I always have trouble with intimite scenes being two characters at the same time, and Peter and Jason are VERY different, so i dont want to switch personalities during it. hahah. let me knoww!**


	2. First Meeting

**First Day**

/

\

/

\

* * *

First day. A 14-year-old Peter stared up at the intimidating statue of St. Cecelia. It was as if she was taunting him, staring down at him menacingly… pointing out his flaws… and sins. Her marble eyes glared into his brown ones, forcing him to look away shamefully. This is going to be a fun year, he thought, rubbing his temples for a moment.

He pushed the thought away, trying to think positively as he entered through the doors to his dorm for the next four years, St. Nichols Hall. The brightly lit hallway reminded him that he'd be away from his family for months now, even if he did wish he could be away from them forever. The unfamiliar was oddly welcoming, being that no one knew him. He could be a brand new person.

But as he walked up to the third floor, that started to be the thought that he was dreading. A million and one thoughts were going through his head. Would this religion school thing work out? Would girls like him? Would someone realize he didn't want girls to like him? Would he be out-casted? As he rounded the corner towards his room, his thoughts took a new direction. _Will my new roommate like me? Hate me? Will I like him… more than I should? I'm here to change that... I can't spend four years with him hating me… or me liking him… _He growled internally, hating these ideas. They were wrong. The bible said so.

Peter fumbled with his key, standing awkwardly as hell outside the door of his dorm, trying to figure that damn lock out. The upperclassmen walking by all chuckled, mumbling, "Freshman." He blushed, keeping his concentration on the door. What a great start to the new school. Getting more and more embarrassed by the length of time it was taking him to open the door, he dropped the key on the ground, and he could have sworn the sound of it hitting the wood floor must have been loud enough for the whole building to hear. Peter bent down to pick it up, his face crimson.

Finally, he figured it out. But as he pushed the door open, it seemed that the boy inside decided to act on his heroic duties and save the poor guy. He pulled the door open as Peter pushed, and Peter slammed right into the taller blond boy, almost knocking the both of them ever at the impact. The blue eyes blonde grabbed Peter's arms for support to stay standing, but that action only pulled their bodies closer. They were both taken off guard at the electricity coursing through their veins, shutting each of their brains off.

Though they wished they could stay right where they were, they were both very embarrassed at the situation, and they parted unwillingly, knowing people would start to stare. The predicament they had ended up in had felt like hours to each of the boys, but in reality, was over in mere seconds.

After Peter's heart had regained a steady enough heart beat, he was finally able to form a clear sentence. "Um… Hi… I'm Peter…" It was shaky, but at least he said something. The silence was brutal by that point. He looked to his feet, realizing he sounded dumb with his stumbling of words.

The blonde noticed this act, and chuckled at it… well, more like giggled, but guys don't giggle. He'd never 'giggle'. "Nice to meet you, Peter. I'm Jason." He smiled as casually as he could, trying to keep his cool. Peter already envied his ability to remain so easy going in a situation such as meeting someone you have to get along with for four years. Jason's voice was husky, which surprised Peter. Jason had already reached puberty, while Peter was left behind with his high pitched voice and lack of height and plumpness. This guy did nothing for Peters confidence, which was already at rock bottom. Jason flicked his blonde hair out of his eyes, revealing shining blue eyes, which were welcoming and accepting.

He stuck his hand out for Peter's, who obliged in respect for him. As their hands grasped, the stinging sensation from before returned, crawling up their arms. Peter felt weak in the knees at the firm grip Jason had on his hand, and Jason was floored by the warmth and gentle hand that was in his. They remained holding hands for a while, neither wanting to let go. They fit together so perfectly… like puzzle pieces finally put together.

_Perfect,_ they thought at the same time. _Perfect._

_But perfectly wrong_, Jason couldn't help but think. He pulled away a little bit too violently, but with that thought in his mind, he couldn't help it. Peter seemed apologetic, and he was, because he thought he'd gone too far. But Jason was in the same boat that Peter was. Neither of them had any idea who they were. And they needed the other to find themselves.

Jason knew it was wrong to feel this way. Peter was a guy. The bible _said_ it was wrong. That it was an abomination. He sighed to himself. They'd just be friends. That's all Jason should want. Friendship. With a boy. Friendship. That's all he _should_ want.

_God, why did you have to throw this onto my lap? _He complained in thought, then laughed at the innuendo. _Sorry, didn't mean it like that. _But he… wished he did… as proven by an extra little problem that their touch had caused.

With those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and that smile… Jason couldn't help himself… he was just so beautiful.

_No!_ He creamed in his mind. _No. We're friends. That is ALL I want!_ He'd convinced himself. Friends.

However, on the other side of the conversation, or lack there of, Peter thought that Jason's internal battle was about him deciding he didn't like Peter or his overly kind stature. Peter couldn't help but start to think the next four years were going to be awful.

After Peter got his things set up, his bed and desk set up across from the door, while Jason's was already set up in the corner of the room on the door side of the walls, they started to have an actual conversation, trying to salvage anything they could of this 'friendship'. They sat cross-legged, facing each other, on Jason's bed, which from then on turned into a constant symbol of the beginning of everything for them. It was the place of peace, a place where they could be together and there for each other whatever the situation or problem.

They didn't have much in common. Peter was a theatre dork, and Jason dreamed of being the star of every sports team on campus. But even though they were polar opposites, they couldn't have gotten along any better. They stayed up all night sharing stories and laughing more than either of them ever had.

They had one thing in common that they wouldn't share yet. They could hide true feelings deep inside… but what they couldn't hide was the simple joy both Peter and Jason got from just sitting across from each other, not moving for hours until they both passed out, because neither of them would move. They didn't want it to end.

_A First Meeting._

_

* * *

_

/

\

/

\

**A/N: Hey againn. I finished the first meeting now... clearly... hehe... well, i think it's good, just let me know if im missing something or i should change something. I dont know if i should add at the end Peter back in the present reflecting. let me know please and thank you my loves! I'll have the next chapter posted... probably either tomorrow or by this weekend.**


	3. First Kiss

**A/N : The first kiss. Introduces inner conflict & an emo Jason. not surprising, i know. enjoy!**

* * *

Fast forward to the second semester of freshman year.

Peter had finally reached puberty. Finally caught up to his now best friend. Peter was a few inches shy of Jason, but he always knew that would happen. Jason was more like the Greek God in the friendship, while Peter was more like one of the screaming girls trying to get his attention… _though I'd never let him know that_…

By now, they were inseparable. Jason was on most of the teams on campus, while Peter was involved in the drama department, but each different group accepted the outsider of the day. Jason's teammates accepted Peter and Peter's acting friends accepted Jason. It was a good life, and neither of them complained about that part.

Though they always had other complaints. But those were the complaints they'd never say aloud. Even to each other.

As the weeks had passed, they had basically gone over each of their entire life story sans certain detail. By the start of November, they had a plan when something happened, or if there was something one of them needed to talk about; if it was kind of important, but okay if they couldn't make it, the person in need at the moment left a white tack on the door, and they'd meet at the hill behind St. Cecelia's. If it was sort of important, a blue tack was left, and they met at the swings at the elementary school down the street.

But if it was something urgent, a gold tack was left. They each had one, hidden in spots even the other didn't know. Peter's was poked into the back of his headboard, and every now and then, he'd pull it out when Jason was asleep, just to hold it in his hands as he thought or wrote. Just so he could remember.

Jason's was hidden somewhere a little different. He had a hard time expressing feelings, always had, because he knew once you said something, it was concrete... you couldn't take it back. So he hid his in his journal, which was safely hidden under his mattress. His journal was the one place he could say anything he wanted, because he could easily erase something, easily get rid of the whole thing. And it was the one place he'd dare let him think about Peter. All his fantasies, his love, his thoughts... everything written in that little book. He felt like such a girl sometimes... but it was the one way he could express himself freely.

That gold tack was such an important symbol of their friendship, and Jason wanted it in the one place he let himself think about Peter. Where he had always thought Peter would stay... only in his dreams.

The gold tack rule had only been used once, after a fight between Jason and his father. With the gold tack on the door, the place they met was in the middle of the forest behind the park a few blocks away, a small meadow they had found while exploring one day. It was their place of pure comfort, even if it did have a creepy ora to it.

It was their place. No one elses. Just theirs. There in the middle of the murky forest to be the place to go to help one another. A private place that belonged to them. Yes, it was dark, shadowy with no spec of sunlight, but in a way - that fit them. In their darkest of days, this was the one place they could come and know that they were safe to talk to the other about what ever it was that was bothering them. It was the one place that was hidden from the world... the one place they could be hidden... even if it had some flaws... murky and odd and misplaced... so were they in the world that they lived in. In the school they attended. In their families. It was everything bad... and everything good. Everything that was _them_.

This day went as usual. It was nearing the end of June now, almost the end of the month, and Peter was walking back to his dorm from his final class of the day. He was in a fabulous mood. His day started with a call from his mom AND his dad (both had gone well, which was surprising), he had Aced three tests, and his last class was Shakespeare, so it had ended with a bang. _Seriously_, he thought, _how could this day get any better?_

But as he got to his door, only to find a gold tack right at the level of his eyes, he realized that as his day was great, it was about to end on a sour note. But he'd go through that for Jason. He'd do anything for Jason. _More than I'd ever admit in confession…_ He thought with a humorless chuckle as he unlocked his door a fraction of the way in order to toss his backpack into the room. He didn't care where it fell, he only needed to get to Jason as soon as he could.

Passing through the familiar hallways in order to get outside soon became a grueling adventure. Just as he needed to pass through with no trouble, not only did the hallways become exceedingly longer, but it seemed that everyone in the building decided at that moment to all pour out of their room and talk to one another. All in his way to get to the one place he needed to be.

So to pass the time of the ten minute walk to get to the forest, he thought back on how he and Jason had gotten to this point of being there for the other on the drop of a hat. Peter thought his reason for being there was obvious to everyone, but at least to himself. His crush on Jason from the first day only grew stronger with the more of the blonde's heart he was aloud to see. There were times he admitted to himself that his fantasies could get a bit out of hand, and he found himself running to the bathroom many nights to tend to some 'technical problems'.

_How can I help it?_ He gushed in his mind subconsciously. _Not everyone is allowed to see the side of him I get to see. _Just the thought made his lips curl into a pride-filled smile. _He's let me see his soul; every problem, every smile, every… everything. Even those ABS. _A groan escaped his throat at the mental image.

It was a pure, no touch, no speak though. He could think all he wanted too. Just… no… touching. It became painful NOT to sometimes, but he did it, and paid himself back for it later.

No, he did not think that the way he felt about his best friend was right. How could he, being raised by a strict, bible clutching family? But he couldn't help the way he felt. He couldn't help the things he did about it either.

_But the bible doesn't say anything about the thoughts… only about a man lying with a man… Not_ thinking _about it. Sure, if you act on it, then you're a sinner, but still. I'm not giving in. _He'd been trying to convince himself of that for years. He had the bible drilled into his skull by the time he was 7 years old. And he'd known he'd been attracted to the 'wrong' sex since he was 12. Since that year, he'd always been self conscious about talking to people, worried he'd slip up, so he'd been the outcast of his middle school. He'd never imagined that in high school his best friend would be the most popular guy in the school. Or that he'd be falling for him.

He was so worried that Jason would find out… that's why he was so tentative to him. Give him a reason to keep Peter around. _And sure… maybe it is trying to get him to like me back… but it's not like I'm doing it to…_ get_ him… he's straight…_He sighed to himself, pulling his hands out of his pockets, starting to climb through the thick branches of the out skirts of the forest.

He knew the way better than Jason did, being that he came here more than Jason did, he just decided that he wanted to be alone in the oddly comforting area. But it wasn't welcoming as he approached where Jason sat, his knees hugged to his chest and his face hidden.

"Jase…" Peter whispered, frozen at the edge of the grassy area in the darkest of the shadows in the small circle.

With a sniff, Jason looked up at Peter slowly, eventually exposing his red face with tear-streaked cheeks. His knees were soaked from what Peter could tell in the dim light, and his eyes were swollen and puffy. Jason was never one to cry… _ever_.

"I don't know what to do Peter…" Jason said, almost inaudible, not breaking eye contact with Peter. Still frozen and speechless, all Peter could do was stand there, just staring. In what seemed like an eternity, neither boy noticed that the sky was darkening more and more every second, and small droplets of rain were starting to fall.

In a short moment, Peter had moved himself so that he was sitting beside his broken friend. "What happened?" Peter asked, rubbing Jason's back lightly.

"Dad." He said simply, looking intently at the trees.

"What about him this time?" Peter questioned, in a knowing sort of manor. He'd heard these stories before, about Jason's father always pushing him to the point of insanity. But never had Jason reacted this way, at least, not that Peter had witnessed.

"I told him I didn't want to be on the golf team next year." Jason explained quietly, though Peter could barely hear him over the rain starting to hit the leaves on the ground around them. It was as if his senses had increased, doing everything in their power so as _not_ to hear Jason's words. _Why could that be?_ He wondered, but shoved it off. Jason was important now. Just Jason. "I told him I could never play golf. I'm not him. I can never be him." He said the last part in a haunting voice that made a shiver go up Peters spine.

"You could never be him." Peter repeated from his usual speech. He started to continue his practiced monologue that always worked, but Jason snapped his attention to look at Peter with those wounded eyes.

"You don't even know, Peter. No one knows the reasons I can't be him. I can't be perfect." He bit, looking right into Peter, who was stunned at this change. His final words to his sentiment were ghostly and sad, and in such a hushed tone that Peter had to lean in to hear them. "Sinners can't be perfect."

Peter thought about a response to that, and looked away from Jason for the first time throughout the time he had gotten there. "What's your sin?" The question came out in a shaken voice.

"You'd never speak to me again if I told you, Pete. No one would. It's just too… unforgivable…" Jason responded in such a morbid tone; it really scared Peter.

"I know how you feel…" Peter sighed, getting a weird look from Jason in response. Peter met his look unwillingly, adding, "And there isn't _anything_ that would cause me to never speak to you again." Peter's hand grasped Jason's knee, adding to the reassurance of what he had just said.

"You can't possibly understand Peter. You'll abandon me. You can't possibly care about me that much. Not enough to stay around me." Jason said with sunken eyes. It would kill him if Peter left; that was clear as day in his blue eyes. But who would want to stay friends with a sinner? A boy in love with a boy? A _homosexual_? Jason growled internally at the word. He was damned to hell. He knew it. This was so wrong… what he wanted to do… what he wanted to do to his best friend as he was sitting beside him.

"I'm not planning on going anywhere, Jason. I understand what you're saying, but in a different way than you mean it I'm sure." Peter said, regretting what anyone could imply from what he had just said. But Jason never implied. He just got on with it and asked questions until he knew it all. Then he was happy because he knew the actual story.

"Just tell me what's going on Jase… I know I'll understand. I know you better than anyone. Just _tell me_." Peter urged, curious as to what would have him reacting like this.

"He keeps pushing me… I can't be my father… have the 'perfect life behind a white picket fence with the wife and kids'," Jason laughed with no joy, mocking his father's voice. "But I can't have that life… I don't want it. And he'll never allow his son to be less than perfect…"

"Why can't you have that life? You could easily get the perfect girl, the perfect house, living the catholic life…" Peter winced at the thought of Jason with a girl. He'd always been selfish in his thoughts of Jason; Jason was _his_.

"I don't want the perfect girl…" Jason said, his gaze shifting away from Peter's eyes. He was clearly uncomfortable.

"Then what do you want?" Peter asked with the slightest bit of hope twinkling in his eyes, and Jason could somehow see that, even with rain pouring to the point now that he could barely make out the features of the trees.

Jason looked at him for a second, the highlight of his past year, here in front of him still. Peter got what he was saying… didn't he? So why wasn't he running away? Staring into those brown eyes melted him like chocolate on the tongue. Jason's hand started reaching toward Peter, all of the self control he had before vanished, but it came back just as fast, his hand falling back down on his knee. "Someone I can't have." He sighed.

Peter looked at Jason, pleading for something. He didn't know what it was; maybe for Jason to confess his love, maybe for him to kiss him and strip him down… or maybe it was for Jason to tell Peter how disgusting it was for Peter to even be _thinking _those things.

That look in Peter's eyes did it for Jason; killed every single wall he'd put up to avoid this. Destroyed it and obliterated it, all with those chocolate brown eyes. Jason's hair lay damp around his face, as did Peter's. "Peter…" Jason's fingers trailed Peter's cheek, pushing the hair out of his beautifully structured face, his fingers afire with the electricity as his fingers traced invisible lines across Peter's smooth face.

Peter drew in a quick breath, his heart skipping a beat. He didn't know what to say or do now that he'd let his dreams engulf him. This couldn't be real. No. He wouldn't convince himself this was real. Nope. Not gonna happen. _Not real… though… I never said I wouldn't enjoy the dream while it was here…_

"Peter…" He whispered again, this time inching closer to the boy with closed eyes sitting beside him. He sat up from where he was seated, on his knees, and turned to face his best friend. Slowly, he leaned in, their lips only slightly brushing, as peter whispered, "Jason…" right as their lips touched.

It was as perfect as the way their hands had fit the first day they met. It was as if the puzzle was finally solved… as if the world made sense for once. As their lips moved in synchronization… in those few careless moments… all they could think about was getting to taste as much of each other as they could.

Nothing mattered. Not Jason's father. Not the fact that their catholic school was a ten minute walk away. Not what other people thought of them. Nothing.

Nothing but the simple joy in the comfort both of them had as this kiss lasted what seemed like forever – neither wanting to part, neither wanting to let go of what they had finally been given the chance to have.

And neither boy could help but think – _There must be an approving God up there… one that gives us a moment like this… He must love us anyway…_ But they knew that once this was over it would change everything. God couldn't love this. It was wrong. But they didn't care. Not as they reached and admired every inch of each other in the last few hours of freshman year.

The kiss was more than perfect - it was the assurance that they'd both finally found the home they had each been so desperately looking for.

But one thought made Jason pull away. Not that he really wanted to end such an amazing first kiss, but his conscious had caught up with him. _This couldn't be right._ He couldn't help but think it - it had always been drilled into his head.

Peter was laying under him, gently humming in what looked like... pure bliss. His eyes were closed, enjoying what was left of this moment. Jason didn't like that, being that that meant Peter's eyes were hidden. Jason loved those eyes. Peter could make Jason do anything if he plead with his eyes. Jason brushed the tips of his fingers over Peter's cheek, causing his eyes to pop open. _Just what I wanted._ He thought with a smile.

Quietly and with deliberate slowness, Jason lifted himself to his feet, his body cold the second his body left Peter's warm grasp. He felt empty. The loneliness in Jason's eyes were reflected by Peter's with just as much desperation to get close again.

It was colder out, now that nights chill was coming over them. They'd been out there for hours, but time had frozen for the both of them during that moment.

As Jason stood facing Peter, he couldn't help himself as his right hand grasped Peters shoulder and his left pulled him by the neck to lock lips again. This kiss was different than the first... needier, while the first was more of a surprise, enjoy the moment one more. They explored eachother this time, allowing themselves a little more before the imminent departure from school the next day. With this kiss, they took advantage of all they could, trying to prove to themselves that this wasn't a dream... that it was really happening. The desperateness didn't make it any less romantic though, for it was slow and sensual, them taking every extra second possible to forget everything.

But inside, both boys feared that this would all end too soon... summer here now... they'd both be going to separate places tomorrow for three months... All Peter could think was that Jason would come to his senses by September, running to tell the school about Peter. Jason was only thinking that Peter would realize that Jason wasn't worth it.

Three months, in their minds could change everything. It could, sure, but maybe it wasn't such a bad thought for certain things to change.

* * *

**A/N : Next Chapter will be up tomorrow i think, depending on the homework load. comments!**


	4. First 'I Love You'

**A/N Leave comments!!**

* * *

Summer went by slower than Peter wanted it to, being that he was so far away from the one person that was constantly poisoning his mind. They hadn't talked at all in the past three months, neither of them bothering, in fear of what the conversation could lead to, or if the other would even pick up.

During the car ride back to St. Cecelia's, Peter's mother grew increasingly irritating, speaking louder and faster the more he tried to ignore her. He was trying to get into the mode of talking to Jason… seeing him again… God, did he miss him. Home was torture enough, but spending three months without his best friend was murder.

Though, he didn't really know what they were anymore. He knew they weren't… _dating_… or anything like that, being that Jason hadn't bothered to call at _all_. But were they even still friends? They had shared things with each other that they never had with anyone else, trusted each other more than anyone else… _is that all destroyed now?_

Peter half expected his room to be empty with a notice that Jason had moved to a new hall. Anything to get away from an… _abomination…_ such as Peter. Jason knew… knew the one thing Peter had been desperately hiding since the age of twelve. Peter didn't know if Jason would tell anyone… Jason had proved himself trustworthy and caring numerous times… but was that kiss only a good time for one moment, mocking Peter?

Peter had been trying to come up with logical reasons that Jason kissed him that day. Maybe just sheer depression needing some physical affection? Maybe he had found Peter's journal and decided to play a game, but got a little too wrapped up in it? But none of the times he could think of satisfied the memory… it was just too real… like Jason really wanted to do it. But after the summer, it would take a lot for Peter to believe that.

Walking through the halls of his dorm made his mood turn oddly… good. He waved politely to his friends along the way, his heart starting to pick up pace as he mad his way closer to his room. His _home_.

Jason had heard the jingle of Peter's keys as he stood outside the door, not opening it yet. Is he as nervous as I am? He thought to himself, sitting on his bed, cross-legged, starring at the closed door… the obstacle keeping him away from his Peter… He could hear Peters breaths, which were short and shaky. Just hearing his ragged breaths made Jason's match, wanting to see his face… touch his face… _taste_ his face… He'd been longing for that all summer… but he knew it wasn't going to happen… Peter must have thought it all through properly. Why else would he be so nervous? Here to let Jason down easy. But there was no easy here.

Peter was frozen. He didn't know what to do… open the door? Run away? He could always get assigned a new room. But he needed to face this._ I need to figure everything out with him._

He sighed, reaching for the doorknob, but he stopped, his eyes meeting with a friendly hole in the door, invisible to anyone that wasn't looking for it. His fingers brushed it, bringing back security and trust. Everything he had with Jason.

Both boys held their breaths as the door opened, immediately making eye contact with each other. Jason looked distressed; a weird pain in his eyes that matched Peter's.

Finally, Peter broke the hold that they'd had on each other. He walked over to his bed and dropped his bags beside his bed after he closed the door.

Jason looked down, playing with a pillow next to him. "I woulda thought that you'd've switched rooms… or hall… or building…" Jason sighed, still hiding his eyes. Sure, he was the one to end awkward silences and be brave, but he couldn't look Peter in the eyes just yet.

Peter looked at him, trying to think of a calm answer. "I like this room. Why would I move?" He tried to pull of nonchalance, but it didn't work all that well. Though, it was very clear that Peter was much more comfortable talking than Jason was. That's the way it had always been. Peter laughed inwardly at Jason's comment, being that he thought Jason would have left. But it was already made clear that it was Peter's job to move. "Unless you want me to." He said sullenly. "I haven't unpacked… so I could go talk to the DA and I'll leave you to yourself. If you want." He was rambling by the end, not noticing that Jason's eyes had darted to him wide-eyed.

"No!" Jason responded a bit too soon for a normal conversation. "Why would I want you to move? I thought you wanted to!" He was starting to raise his voice, his hands up in the air on the defensive. _Why would I ever _not_ want Peter? How could he _think _that?! _He screamed in his head.

"I just thought… that… you wouldn't want me around…" Peter whispered. It was his turn to look away, avoiding Jason's gaping at him. He stared at the ground in shock for a moment. He hadn't expected that reaction. But there was a lot that Jason did lately that was a surprise to Peter. "I mean, we haven't talked for, what, three months?" The distain was clear in Peters voice as he shut his eyes.

"You didn't call me either Pete. I wasn't going to embarrass myself more than I thought I had if you wanted nothing to do with me." As Jason was saying that, he was still gaping at Peter, his tone hard and direct, but his eyes soft and pleading.

Peter went wide eyed, but a weird grin came on his face. It was filled with confusion, but also a bit of realization. "I'll never want to have nothing to do with you." He blushed, girlier than he'd ever admit, but he couldn't help it. Jason always did that to him. It wasn't that he was embarrassed about what he was saying, it was just that he couldn't help but smile. Besides, what was there to be embarrassed about? He'd risked everything with Jason already, so why no just… go for it?

"I thought you regretted what happened that day…" Jason sighed, his voice cracking under insecurities he tried to hide under his strong mask. Only Peter could get through that wall.

"Never." Peter whispered, standing up and making his way over to Jason, who was now looking away. He kneeled in front of Jason, taking hold of his hands, realizing just then how much he truly missed that warmth. "I missed you Jason. I don't regret kissing you that day," his voice was barely audible, "I thought _you_ did."

"This is wrong, Pete… it says so… it's wrong…" Jason was trying to convince himself, Peter could tell that. But it was too perfect to be wrong, and that confused Jason.

So Peter said aloud the message in Jason's eyes, for he knew Jason couldn't. "But it's so right…" He paused, squeezing Jason's hand. "This is just so easy… this… us…"

Jason smiled then. A real smile. He didn't know how to agree with Peter out loud, but his smile said everything.

Then, without a word, Jason's fingers slid out of Peter's, both of his hands find their way to caress Peter's face, keeping it in line with his own. Slowly, he pulled their faces together, their lips barely brushing, making Peter's breath hitch. It was sweet; a sentiment to the word Jason didn't know how to say. It didn't last long, Jason knowing not to test the limit of his control. He _was_ only a man.

"I love you, Jason…" Peter sighed. It was clear he hadn't realized he said it aloud until after his eyes shot open in shock. Heat burned his cheeks instantly, studying Jason's expression.

But Jason remained seemingly at peace, his eyes still closed, the tips of his smile rising just a bit. He was humming gently to himself, basking in Peter's words. No, he hadn't expected it, but it made him happier than anyone in the world to know that he was the one that Peter loved. His hands lay on Peter's shoulders, and their foreheads and noses were touching. Without looking, Jason's hands slid up Peter's neck, causing the brown eyed beauty to shiver, stopping on Peter's face again. One of his thumbs traced Peter's lips, while the other caught a drop of a tear. His eyes opened, looking at Peter with an odd expression. "Why are you crying?"

His voice was so soft, it made Peter's body go limp. "Because…" He choked. "I know you're going to tell me that I went too far and that you couldn't ever like me like that and tat I shouldn't have said what I said because it was going too far too fast and now I'm rambling because I'm waiting for you to walk away and when I talk fast I don't pay attention to my emotions and I'm so so sorry I put you though this Jason…" Peter quickly inhaled a deep breath, his face purple, showing the amount of energy he had just used up on his speech.

Jason just laughed, causing Peter to gape at him. "Don't be offended, Pete. You're just cute when you're overly nervous." Jason laughed again when he saw Peter take another deep breath, this time out of relief as Jason wiped the tear off of his face. "You didn't care me, Peter. I'm happy you said it." He paused, looking away. "But I don't know… if I… can…"

"Shh." Peter breathed, closing the space between them for a second, kissing him to stop Jason from going on. "You don't need to. I understand. I meant what I said, and I'm not taking it back. I do love you." Peter couldn't help but smile as he saw Jason's eyes glimmer at the sentence. "But you don't need to say it back, Jase." He smiled reassuringly.

"I just… don't know how…" Jason had suddenly become very self conscious. He _did_ want to tell Peter how much he really _did_ love him… but… saying would make it so concrete… once he said it out loud, he couldn't take it back… saying it was too permanent.

So instead, he pulled Peter's face to his, giving him a kiss to convince him of all the love he had in his heart for Peter. Peter responded immediately, giving Jason the same amount of undying love back. _But how cold we love each other so much when it was so morally and biblically wrong?_

Peter pulled away for a moment, walking to the door and locking it. He made his way back in almost a rush, any way to get back to the warmth of Jason's lips. But by the time he got there, Jason's arms were out and waiting for him, so he climbed into Jason's arms and hid himself in the crook of Jason's neck, breathing deeply.

Jason shivered at Peter's breath on his skin. He wouldn't act on what his body wanted right now, but he wasn't sure how long he could last. Peter had this hold on him, and every mental and physical part of him reacted every time.

They fell asleep like that, Jason playing with Peter's hair, seemingly hypnotized by it, and Peter drifting away to the rhythm of Jason's heart. Peter fell asleep first, mumbling _I love you, Jason_, throughout the entire night, causing Jason to fall asleep with that smile on his face. The one only Peter could cause.

* * *

**A/N Comments please!! Their first time is up next, but I'm not promising it anytime soon because I can't decide where/how it will be! . I'll do my best!**


End file.
